Guy meets a girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.
This is the picture of love that society often paints. However, as you probably already know, finding true love is not always this simple.
In the Amplified Version of the Bible, unequally yoked is mentioned as “being unequally bound together with unbelievers (do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith)…..” – 2 Corinthians 6:14.
It’s clear that even from Biblical times, unequally yoked relationships were an issue within the church so it’s no surprise that it’s still an issue today.
I have never been in an unequally yoked relationship, but based on my own personal experience I understand why many Christians often choose to go down this path……
The Story
I was 19 at the time and I was excited to start my new summer job. I was introduced to people in different departments and I remember the first day I met Chris (name changed for the blog). Chris was warm and welcoming. I noticed right away in the first few weeks that he was a diligent worker and got along with almost everyone. We ended up having the same lunch break most days and would have small chats here and there. Eventually, our small chats turned into eating lunch together daily.
Over time we realized we had a lot in common. We had both immigrated with our families at a young age from Jamaica, we were both ambitious, and we were both deep thinkers. He was also handsome. Chris was 24, so the experience of talking to a slightly older guy appealed to me also.
Chris said he noticed right away that I was different. He said he knew I was a Christian because of how I carried myself. He told me he believed in God. I saw the Selassie shirts and Rastafarian bracelets he would wear from time to time, but at the moment, his belief in “God” was good enough for me.
I was naive, and I kept telling myself Chris and I would only be friends. However, the more I spoke with Chris the more I liked him and I could tell that he liked me too. Months began to pass and Chris would jokingly suggest that we go out some time outside of work. Part of me was excited that he asked. I had already been speaking to him on the phone by this point, he seemed like a wholesome guy, and he gave me no indication that he had impure motives.
However, another part of me was feeling convicted about my deepening affection for Chris. When I would talk about my faith, Chris would always press me about why I held certain values. We would debate his Rastafarian beliefs and different aspects of religion. Even though it was becoming clearer and clearer to me that we didn’t believe in the same God, I still found myself getting more attached to him. Finally, one day I told him I would give him an answer about going out the next day at work.
That night I had a dream that I will never forget. I was alone in my dream and I was in a dark place. In this darkness, I started to feel something like slime all over me. It felt disgusting and I couldn’t get it off. Finally, in my dream, the light came on and I could see the slime clearly with my eyes. The slime was the color of the Rastafarian colors. I scrubbed and I scrubbed myself but I couldn’t get it off. I woke up out of my dream and I was so scared. I started praying and it was as if right away the Holy Ghost showed the purpose of the dream. I asked God for forgiveness and I knew then what answer I would be giving Chris.
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I told Chris I would NOT be going out with him, However, both God and I knew that because I grew so attached to him, it would be hard to continue saying NO as long as he was around. The following month Chris told me he would be transferring to another location. My fleshy side felt sadness, but my spirit felt free. I decided I wanted to refocus more than ever on God again. I deleted his number and decided to forget about him altogether.
This was, of course, harder than I imagined. Every couple of months, he would cross my mind and I would think of reaching out to him. He would reach out to me, but I stopped replying. I would pray often and ask God to save him. My motivation was selfish. I didn’t want him to be saved for God, but for me. At times, I would grow angry at God because there were no guys in my church or Christian circle that I saw any future with. He seemed like the best fit for me and I was convinced that God could not find a better match.
Flash forward to a couple of years later, I had become more mature in my faith and I was starting to get to know a guy at my church named Kareem. I was happy that he was a stable brother, he loved Jesus more than me and he was in an active relationship with Him. This was someone I wanted a future with and more importantly, I knew it would please God.
It was also around this time that I received an inappropriate text from a number I didn’t have saved in my phone. Even though I didn’t recognize the number, and it was about 4 years later, it was as if God immediately told me who it was – Chris. I was angry and disgusted. I responded right away and told him never to text my phone again. He apologized and I blocked his number (something I should have done years before).
The Lesson
Even though I was angry this happened, I am thankful to God because it showed me what I would have likely experienced later on if I had never turned Chris down. If I had pursued a relationship with Chris, the key element that would have been missing from our love story would have been Jesus. Often as Christians, we get blinded by everything else a non-believer has to offer and we forget that a relationship with Christ should be the main thing they bring to the table.
We defend our choice to stay in these relationships by saying things like, “this person gets me”, “they really love me” “we have so much in common” “there’s no one in my church or the Christian circle for me” “they will get saved after we get together, I’ll just keep inviting them to church.” These are the excuses we tell ourselves to continue down a path that God has not set out for us. We get trapped into only thinking about the present, not realizing that present decisions can impact our future.
Will they grow jealous of your devotion to God? Will they want to go to church? Will you raise your children with the same values? Will they pull you away from your faith altogether? These are the questions we fail to ask ourselves at the moment. Not realizing that if we did, we would save ourselves from pain, regret, and heartbreak.
The purpose of this blog is not to portray nonbelievers as bad people, unsavable, or out of God’s reach. It’s a reminder to you that as children of God we have to leave the saving to Him. We are called to be missionaries, not missionary daters. We also have to encourage ourselves to know that God is a good Father that wants to give us (his kids) good gifts (Matthew 7:11).
If you’re reading this right now and you are considering being in an unequally yoked relationship or you are already in one, ask yourselves these questions. Be honest and realize that an unequally yoked relationship is not God’s best for you.
It’s also important to know that you can be unequally yoked with a believer also. Especially if they only believe in God but don’t care to know Him personally or show Christ-like behavior.
I can’t promise that the person you desire will eventually get saved or get more serious in their walk with Christ when you end your relationship with them. However, I can promise that you will be pleasing God, and as a Christian, this should be your ultimate desire.
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