A GRACE STORY
We’re all familiar with this question during small talk: “What do you do?” It sparks a range of assumptions: your intelligence level, your upbringing, and your overall worth. This question highlights the values of our society. I was groomed from a young age to have an answer to this question. The “what do you want to be when you grow up?” question was the precursor. My answer would receive the most praise if it was a lucrative profession. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been steeped into a work and reward system. Unfortunately, it left a negative impact on my relationship with God.
The Work and Reward System
The first time I received payment for a service actualized the work and reward system for me. Everytime I would get a 100 on a test, my dad would give me money. It easily started a routine of working and receiving. I became motivated to get good grades solely for the reward.
A distinct memory comes to mind when I was in elementary school. In class, good behavior came with a prize. The teachers had something called the green light chart. If a student was good for the whole week, the outcome would be a green light. If a student received a warning, a yellow light was given. Lastly, being troublesome on more than one occasion warranted a student a red light. If a student made it through the whole year with no red lights, he or she earned a grand prize. Their work and reward system was very thorough, and it was one that I just couldn’t master. I watched my teacher hand out permission slips for a hot air balloon trip and I felt utterly upset as I sat there empty handed.
When it came to sports, I was consumed by the work and reward mentality. I didn’t let anything come before going to track practice, not even illness. It felt good to see improvement after a season of hard work. The more work I put in, the faster my times were. At that point, I was a devout believer in putting in hard work and reaping the benefits.
Fast forward to the present, I’ve recently had a rude awakening. I didn’t realize it, but the work and reward system that I lived by was competing with the grace system that God created for me. God’s grace is a gift that is given without work being a requirement to receive it. However, I lost sight of this and I needed to understand why.
Transitioning Away From Grace
My moving away from God’s grace was subtle at first. It started as a prolonged guilt for making a decision against God’s desire. The guilt began to justify why I couldn’t hear from God anymore. I felt that I needed to do good to get back in right standing with Him. However, my deeds were never enough. Opening the Bible became difficult, which increased my guilt. I started to prefer silence over worship music. I didn’t feel as compelled to seek Him anymore. When I made more decisions against God’s desires, I fell deeper into a pit of guilt. The cycle continued. The work and reward mentality invaded the grace system that God set up in me. Once I had this realization, I set my sights on reclaiming God’s grace.
The Grace System
My journey back to being under God’s grace centered around re-evaluating my understanding of work. In doing so, I was reminded of two things that were seemingly contradictory in the word. Jesus calls all people who labor and are burdened to take rest in Him. However, in another part of scripture, Jesus points out that there is a lack of people who are working. These are two different types of work that Jesus is speaking on.
- The work that requires people to rest stems from the world. It is not only a person’s job. It’s daily activities that are done to bring a sense of physical, emotional or spiritual fulfillment. However, this type of work does not permanently satisfy all of our needs and it results in disappointment, anxiety, insecurity, etc. It was the work that I found myself doing for a sense of fulfillment.
- The other type of work that Jesus is referring to is the work that comes after receiving grace. It’s work that is done while being satiated with the love of God. The difference is that His love is enough. This work allows people to move freely in their purpose knowing that God has already accepted them as His children. Desiring to be one’s best self is less about your performance and more about His identity. This is the work that God is calling everyone to do. Fulfillment is sourced by God in this type of work.
Jesus’ words did not contradict, but supported one another. The grace system is an allowance of God’s rewards that can be received without working for it. We then can work with grace, instead of working for grace. What a difference it makes to realize that God sees my worth, accepts me as I am, and entrusts me to carry out His mission.
The work that I do now revolves around loving God and loving people. I constantly keep my desires in check with God’s, but I no longer give guilt a place in my mind. I do it in the freedom of knowing that God sees what I’m doing as enough, because His love did all the work on the cross. God sees all of us as enough and there’s nothing that we can do to receive something that He freely gives.
by Grace
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