Small & Full of Mistakes
Do you have those moments where you feel like you can simply exhale? Maybe it’s coming home after a long day of work and taking a hot shower. Maybe it’s taking in a breathtaking view, like a sunset. Maybe it’s simply being alone in the silence taking deep breaths.
I have those moments, too. I also have moments when I hear something true that my soul desperately needed to hear. It pierces through my heart and allows me to exhale internally, in my soul.
In 2010, I received a magazine from a university in the mail. Out of all the exciting stories and current updates written throughout the pages, I landed on the Memoriam page. My heart exhaled after reading about the life of a woman who spent her short time on Earth, loving Jesus.
The article quoted something she once wrote, it read as follows, “When I put God in His rightful place it gives me freedom. Freedom to be as I am: small and full of mistakes.”
Every time I read those words, it’s as if I am reading them for the first time. There is something that happens in my soul. I feel free, light like I don’t actually have to try to impress others. I feel like I can be myself and most importantly, I feel safe and loved.
You see, in a social media-driven society where people are posting pictures of their perfect selves, in a perfect light, doing admirable things-being small isn’t impressive. Appearing imperfect won’t get you likes or follows.
I remember growing up in a loving home and yet there was still this voice living inside me. A voice that was loud and overwhelming. A voice that spoke shame anytime I was human and made a mistake. A voice that compared my imperfect self to those around me and convinced me to never let others see where I fell short.
Then I went to college and all around me were slogans to “Make No Little Plans Here”, and “Go Change Your World!”. Rather than inspire me, sometimes that language caused me to feel pressure and anxiety. It made me feel as if my life wouldn’t amount to anything if I didn’t have a grand plan after college.
This is exactly why the words in that article struck a chord in me. I didn’t have to be a big shot and make big plans. I didn’t have to be perfect. Why? Because that person already exists. That person is God. He is the Creator and the center of everything. He is holy and there is no deceit or sin in Him. This is such good news to weary souls.
This is the good news of the Gospel, friends. The Gospel is that God knew we fell short and would fall short again and again. He knew that our hearts are bent to evil apart from Him. We are flawed human beings. But He wasn’t going to leave us in our mess. No, He wasn’t going to leave us abandoned to figure out some sort of plan to make life right. He loved us and that is why He sent His Son, Jesus, into the world. Not to condemn the world for being full of mistakes and falling short. No-but He came that the world might be saved through Him. For all who choose to believe in Jesus and turn from their sins, they would be saved and experience a restored relationship with their Creator, Father, and King.
This is true freedom. This is where one will experience true security, safety, peace, and joy. Freedom is not being able to do whatever you want to do. Freedom is living in friendship with God- His plan for us all along. God knows that the best thing for humanity is knowing Him and walking in His ways. Even when it’s hard and contrary to what our hearts and will desire.
I’m still human, though. I will not be made perfect on this side of Heaven. And that is why I’m safe when God is in His rightful place. Because He forgives me and helps me in my mistakes. And with God, I know I am (and completely okay with being) small. Because He is far greater than I will ever be. I can spend my life pointing people to God’s goodness and not trying to convince others that I am awesome.
I hope you are living in true freedom today. If you’re a Christian and have forgotten the Gospel- let this be a reminder to you, let the Gospel be like a soothing balm to your weary soul. If you aren’t a Christian, I pray that God would draw you to Himself. That you would turn to Jesus and experience true freedom and life.
Now and then I open up my old tattered green photo box with keepsakes and find the page ripped from that magazine I got in the mail more than 10 years ago. I’ll keep it for years to come because I’ll always need the reminder to put God in His rightful place. Because when He’s in His rightful place, I can be myself, “small and full of mistakes”.
by Elizabeth
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